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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24718903">"I once called you, 'brother'."</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndiannaJones5/pseuds/IndiannaJones5'>IndiannaJones5</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All For The Game, All For The Game - Nora Sakavic, The King's Men - Nora Sakavic, The Raven King - Nora Sakavic, the foxhole court, the foxhole court - Nora Sakavic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dissociative Identity Disorder, Edgar Allen Ravens, F/F, F/M, Ichirou Moriyama's dog (Nathaniel Wesninski), Kengo Moriyama's dog (Nathan Wesninski), M/M, Other, The Moreau's, The Nest, The Ravens, palmetto state foxes - Freeform, the Moriyama's, the Wesninski's, the foxes - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:09:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,130</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24718903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndiannaJones5/pseuds/IndiannaJones5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>Nathaniel Abram Wesninski<br/>Nat<br/>Abram<br/>Junior<br/>Neil Josten<br/>Dog</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Minyard/Katelyn, Allison Reynolds &amp; Seth Gordon, Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker, Dan Wilds/Matt Boyd, Jean Moreau/Jeremy Knox, Kevin &amp; Thea Muldani, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Nicky Hemmick/Erik Klose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>"I once called you, 'brother'."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Nathaniel Abram Wesninski<br/>Nat<br/>Abram<br/>Junior<br/>Neil Josten<br/>Dog</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>(Andrew) "Why did you do that? Leave like that?"</p><p>"I'd rather have you think nothing of me, than feel something that may break you. I wasn't cruel enough- I refused to be. I wouldn't lead you on like that- I wouldn’t be like them... I wasn’t going to break the promised deal we’d made, to then just leave you suddenly. Not after everything else that happened to you."</p><p><br/>(Andrew) "I never asked you to care."</p><p>"I don't. Not anymore. After my father's latest- <em>lesson</em>. I now know not to."</p><p>He frowned, (Andrew) "I thought I told you to stop lying?"</p><p>I nodded, "You did. And, I'm not. I will not make that same mistake again, not after <em>this</em>."</p><p>(Andrew) "This? What's <em>this</em>?"</p><p>I smiled at that, though it was subtle. He was always overly observant of my choice wording. He could read me better than I could read myself.</p><p> </p><p>"I hadn't wanted to leave. And it's not like he had welcomed me with open arms either. No, he found me. But not from my recently restored looks; thanks Riko, I'm a fuckin spitting image of him now.</p><p>Not from me playing Exy in public. Fuck me! Not even the number '4' tattoo on my cheek grabbed any of his attention." I sighed heavily, raking my bandaged fingers through my hair.</p><p>"It was a phone call. That's all it took. <em>Just one bloody phone call...</em> My father had been monitoring the call lines, with help from the Moriyama's influence over the police departments. Listening in. He hadn't had any luck." I shook my head, still not believing the absurdity of it all.</p><p>"For several months, zip- not a peep. Until one late evening, someone said my name. Now- if they'd said 'Neil Josten'." I waved my hand in a dismissive gesture, "He'd have been none the wiser. And I'd have gotten another few months, a year perhaps if I were lucky, more freedom. But this person- " I spat the words out, feeling like shit on my tongue, "This <em>prick</em>. Said my birth name. But I know for a fact, I never- I never told anyone here. Let alone anyone else for the last eight years! Even my own mother called me a different name."</p><p>(Andrew) "Abram."</p><p>I met his eyes, nodding stiffly.</p><p> </p><p>"So imagine his surprise when he hears the name 'Nathaniel', even if it was pronounced with an accent- he recognised it instantly." I tilted my head back, looking up at the dull grey ceiling, looming above like a metaphorical overbearing cloud.</p><p>"What was it you called him for again? Oh, that's right. You wanted to snitch and <em>call for help</em>, like a pathetic damsel in distress: 'Nathaniel's here! What do I do? He's going to take me back to the Nest! Back to Riko! I can't go back- please! Send someone from the Moreau side branch to do something!'."</p><p>I met his frightened emerald eyes, "Yes Day. What should you <em>do</em>?" Dark laughter bubbled up from my throat, "I've got a few ideas. Riko broke your hand to stop you from playing Exy. How about<em> I rip your fucking tongue out</em> to stop you talking? Better yet, if I'm lucky- stop you breathing."</p><p>I strode over to him, standing close enough that we could breathe each other's air.</p><p>(Kevin) "I- "</p><p>"You what, Day? You didn't know?" I shook my head angrily, taking several steps away from him. The very sight of his apologetic form sickening me, "You couldn't be bothered to think further than your own damn needs. Did it ever occur to you, how you managed to get out of the Nest? Or the reason you were able to stay here for so long? It was because <em>I convinced the lord to let you stay.</em>"</p><p>His mouth opened, but no sound came out. Pathetic. <em>Why did I even bother?</em> <em>What was the fucking point?</em> "Of course you didn't... You don't care, Kevin. About anyone but yourself. You never did... "</p><p>(Kevin) "You- "</p><p>"Yes me. Who else do you think could’ve arranged it? You are no small matter, you have value, Day. There's a reason your not dead yet.”</p><p><em>”I am the lord's Dog</em>, Day. I have more sway over his mind than anyone." I spat in Japanese.</p><p>(Kevin) "I didn't- "</p><p>"Go on Day, <em>impress me.</em> Let's hear this gold award winning excuse." I switched back to English, wanting everyone to hear his pathetic excuse.</p><p>(Kevin) "I- I spoke in French. I don't- "</p><p>Loud laughter fell from my lips, cutting him off, "<em>Are you serious!?</em> Are you that fucking dumb? Are you pulling my leg, <em>is this all a joke to you?</em>" I stared, wide eyed, not even believing what I was hearing, "My god, my name is <em>Russian!</em> So of course he recognised it, you dim witted twat. Its not exactly a name you can re-linguistise, for your own retarded conversations with your French buddy Jean. Did you think that- what? <em>He wouldn't have understood,</em> that he wouldn't have had language interpreters listening in too? I speak thirteen different languages Day, and I'm learning another two. <em>Who the fuck do you think taught and teaches me?</em> I mean, its a vicious circle I'll admit, but my teacher was probably one of the interpreters he used- <em>you could've been speaking in fuckin Moroccan and he'd still have known what you were saying.</em>"</p><p>(Kevin) "I'm- I'm sorry."</p><p>Striking hard enough to knock him down on the ground, had an instinctual snarl tugging at my lips. Ingrained instincts already raring for a fight.</p><p>"I don't want your 'sorry', <em>I want you broken, dying out on the cold ground- choking on the last dregs of your miserable selfish life. I want my mother back, I want to claw the image of her blackened bones on that beach out of my eyes. I want my uncle Stuart back in one piece, not twelve,</em> floating out into the Atlantic. <em>I want to look normal,</em> to not be marred with endless scars. <em>I want to be able to look in the mirror</em> without having a panic attack. <em>I don't want my father's eyes. I don't want to keep wake up screaming...</em> "</p><p><br/>My skin started to twitch from the sweat accumulating on the surface, trickling down like little rivers. Wringing my hands to try and ease the tension, and any wetness I could feel in my eyes. I moved further from Kevin. Stopping at a safe meter or so away from him.</p><p>A hand on the back of my neck had me stumbling sideways, tugging at the armbands I wore on my forearms, unsheathing the blades I kept underneath there. But I wouldn't be distracted. Fuck them, if anyone who thought this might be the wrong time or place for this conversation. At this point, the only one who'd end up getting hurt was <em>me</em>.</p><p>Casting a quick glance over my shoulder at Andrew, I turned back to Kevin. Watching him cowering in the corner, hands shaking. He probably wanted alcohol- tough shit. <em>He wasn't going any-fuckin-where.</em></p><p> </p><p>"<em>I want the little brother I never knew about back. I want his terrified screams out of my head. I want him back in my arms. I want to see him breath again-</em> tell me, Day. Can you do <em>any</em> of these things?"</p><p>A shiver crept through me, causing my hands to tighten around the metal I held, "Can you?" The handle-less blades dug deeper into my skin, causing bleeding rivers to drip onto the carpet at my feet.</p><p>He said nothing. "No. I didn't think so."</p><p> </p><p>Movement in the corner of my eye made me turn abruptly, my arm arching wide. It stopped to rest gingerly at Matt's neck, a slight red line dribbled down his skin. His frightened eyes were the only reason I didn't bury it any deeper.</p><p>"Don't touch me," There was no bite to my words, because this was Matt- the boy who only ever showed me kindness. Never Hostility.</p><p>(Matt) "Neil- "</p><p>I raised an eyebrow at that, "<em>Neil</em>, huh?"</p><p>(Matt) "You are Neil Josten. That's your name, and, until you tell me any different. You still are."</p><p>I swallowed thickly, not able to find any words to reply.</p><p> </p><p>I didn't deserve people like this.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>I wasn't allowed to have family like this.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Matt stepped back and I gave an appreciative nod.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>One day you are going to have to grow a spine,</em> Day. Can't always hide from your problems. Especially when you are the reason they happen in the fuckin-first place."</p><p>I knew he was there. Not quite behind me, but out of sight enough for me to consider him someone to be wary of.</p><p>He knows me- too well. A light chuckle left my lips.</p><p>So when he moved further out of my sight, my hackles rose- unsettling me. I moved my attention back to Kevin as a smile started to bloom, "<em>Look Day, your pet's circling me.</em>"</p><p> </p><p>He paled visibly causing my lips to curl into a too wide a smile: A little bit of <em>Lola's insanity</em> and my <em>father's insatiable maliciousness.</em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"<strong>Look Mary, he looks just like me.</strong>"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The sting of his blade at my back made my head turn. I wasn't worried, he'd only angled it to my right kidney. I only needed one, I'd survive.</p><p>His eyes were blank as usual, but I could see the tension that was set in his shoulders and jaw.</p><p>(Andrew) "Abram."</p><p>"<em>No</em>."</p><p>His response was immediate. The tension in his body doubled and his eyes narrowed at me in anger.</p><p>(Andrew) "No?"</p><p>"Nope," Some of his anger left him then. I couldn't give two shits about Kevin, but Andrew- I didn't want him to hate me. Not when I had now lost everyone else. "<em>Not now, at least.</em>"</p><p>(Andrew) "What about Neil?"</p><p>The grin that I had forgotten slithered back over my dry lips, "<em>No Neil here</em> I'm afraid, try again tomorrow."</p><p>(Andrew) "Nathaniel then?"</p><p>He didn't sound annoyed by this new guessing game, and I didn't correct him on his wrong assumption. If anything he looked more interested than anything. Like he wanted to figure me ou- "I'm not a math problem," I small smile played at my lips then, reminiscing at the old memory. The corner of his own mouth rose slightly in an amused smile.</p><p> </p><p>And so, because Andrew asked, I looked to Kevin for my answer.</p><p>"What was it he called me Day? Can you remember? 10 points if you get it right. And it'll be 10 litres that you loose, if you get it wrong. Though I know, since we have our own resident Doctor in the room." I glanced over, smiling at Aaron where he stood stock-still by the door, next to a shaking Nicky.</p><p>"I sure he can confirm that you don't have <em>that much.</em> So however much you don't have, I'll collect from someone else. <em>How about Thea,</em> your old girlfriend? You're still close right, still friends?" He remained silent, "No? Oh, not important enough? Okay then. <em>How about Coach?</em> I'm sure you don't want your <em>dear old dad</em> slashed to shit in his nice clean office now, do you? It would be a shame- really, it would be. He's a damn good Coach, plus, I like the bloke. There aren't many older men that I can hold a straight conversation with, without cowering in the corner- <em>he earned my trust.</em> Would be a mighty shame. <em>But, well.</em>"</p><p>I shrugged, "<em>What can you do, hey?</em>"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"<strong>Anything.</strong>"</p><p>"<strong>You can do anything.</strong>"</p><p>"<strong>You do not tell a Wesninski, 'no'.</strong>"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(Kevin) "юниор"</p><p>I smiled fondly at the old name.</p><p>(Andrew) "And for those of us who don't speak Russian?"</p><p>I raised my eyebrow and gestured Kevin to reply.</p><p>(Kevin) "<em>Junior</em>. It means Junior."</p><p>(Andrew) "How many is that now?"</p><p>I cocked my head to the side, thinking, "Five. I think? Not counting the many other aliases I've made over the years."</p><p>(Kevin) "<em>Nathaniel Wesninski</em>, <em>Abram</em>, <em>Junior</em>, <em>Dog</em>, <em>Neil Josten</em>."</p><p>My hand moved before I could even think about it, and the next thing I heard was Kevin shouting in startled pain, the chorus of cries from his other team members. My blade had stuck itself in his shoulder, a palm's distance from his heart.</p><p>Spinning my remaining blade between my fingers, I asked, "What did I say about talking Day?"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"<strong>You are a Wesninski. You do not ask, you take. And if they do not bow, they break.</strong>"</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He stumbled backwards, clumsily falling back onto Matt's glass coffee table, breaking it.</p><p>I liked that table.</p><p> </p><p>"Seen and not heard," I all but snarled, "I believe that my preference to your silence is in everyone's best interest. <em>If</em> you talk again out of turn, I'll rip your fucking throat out and feed your bloody vocal cords to Seth over there. He's been oh, so desperate to join in since this all started. But- he has more sense than you Day. More logistical survival instincts. He knows to be quiet. He knows how to be. Same goes to everyone else in the room- "</p><p>I gestured vaguely around the room, "You can all <em>go</em> now, by the way. I only need Day. And I doubt his attack dog is going anywhere, so that only makes two. That is, unless, someone else has taken up the role of guarding him?"</p><p>Looking round the room- some met my crazed gaze, whilst most looked away uncomfortably.</p><p>Nodding to no one but myself, I continued, "Good. Everyone else <em>leave</em>." For a moment nobody moved, so I sharply added, "<em>You can all fuck off now.</em>"</p><p> </p><p>Everyone one else fled the room, Reneé though, waited patiently when I looked at her, "You don't have to go, but only stay if Reneé Walker leaves and Natalie Shield stays," She nodded, walking over to the couch closest to Kevin. And when she faced me, her cross was gone.</p><p>When the door finally shut I sat down on my own chair and let out a quiet sigh, "You are only <em>here</em>, because I believe you understand it better than anyone else."</p><p>(Natalie) "I understand."</p><p>"I can't- I won't talk to her about it." My fingers twisted painfully around the blade, trying to ease some of my discomfort and anxiety.</p><p>(Andrew) "Do you mean Bee?"</p><p>Ignoring him seemed to give him the answer I was unwilling to voice. Letting out a frustrated sigh he moved to sit on the other side of the room, apparently he wanted to glare at me from a different angle. (Andrew) "So you choose her, instead of an actual vetted psychiatric doctor?" he gestured at Natalie, "Your want, for mental improvement is outstanding."</p><p>A small smile tugged at my lips, "I try." My voice was quiet then. And I realised, belatedly that- "I'm <em>me</em> again, by the way."</p><p>Andrew immediately stood, coming to hover next to me, waiting.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>His gentle palm pressure to the back of my neck and I shuddered at the touch, relaxing for the first time in months- years...</p><p>"I don't- I didn't mean- "</p><p>(Andrew) "Shut up."</p><p>"But I- " His other hand moved to press my forehead back, to make me look up at him.</p><p>(Andrew) "Stop talking, idiot."</p><p>"Three Fifth's of me disagree," And just like that, I wasn't Neil Josten anymore.</p><p>"Let go." He removed his hands, but didn't step away.</p><p>I frowned, not knowing what I should say. The uncertainty of the situation was confusing me, "You can sit there." I pointed to the empty space next to me, "But don't touch me."</p><p>(Andrew) "Can I have Neil back?"</p><p>My eyes had screwed my eyes shut and my mind was throbbing with all the possible answers. "Maybe. Well, I say that. But- "</p><p>(Natalie) "You don't understand it either."</p><p>I shook my head, "No, I don't. Neither does Abram."</p><p>(Natalie) "And Junior?"</p><p>The grin that pulled at my lips hurt from the sheer suddenness of it, "I don't care."</p><p>She nodded. (Natalie) "At all?"</p><p>My fingers drummed a non-existent tune on the lamp-side table, "I can see why he asked you to stay, little christian girl."</p><p>(Natalie) "She left when they did."</p><p>"Sure she did." I looked at the door and felt an almost longing feeling for it.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <strong>I wanted to leave.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>No one would stop you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>And if they did... </strong>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>(Natalie) "She did, I can assure you."</p><p>I looked back at her, but remained silent.</p><p>(Natalie) "You have to be honest with me, or else I can't help- "</p><p>I cut her off with my famous, "I'm 'fine'!"</p><p>Andrew barked a laugh. (Andrew) "I doubt you even know what 'fine' means, Neil."</p><p>I scoffed, "He doesn't, and he's not. But- " I glanced at Andrew, frowning at the memories and promises that assaulted me, "He'd rather <em>lie</em> than tell you any different."</p><p>(Natalie) "Junior?"</p><p>"Nope, Nathaniel here. Why hello Natalie," she gave me a small wave.</p><p>(Andrew) "About what I asked before, you never really answered me."</p><p>I scowled. Half understanding what he was asking, and half still having no fucking clue, "I don't. But then sometimes I do, and then sometimes I couldn't care any less." I sighed, "It confuses me more when I try and explain it out loud... not that I've ever tried to. Out loud before."</p><p>She twiddled slim fingers through her rainbow hair thoughtfully. And a moment later she asked. (Natalie) "Is it, just you? Or do you have a co-pilot- mediator for when you switch?"</p><p>"No?" My head ached then, trying to grasp what she meant.</p><p>(Natalie) "So it's you, then someone else, then someone else? Is there an order to your switches? Or is it just whatever the situation deems necessary?"</p><p>"It isn't- just me."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"<strong>You are never alone.</strong></p><p>
  <strong>You can never leave.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>You have no one.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>You belong to me.</strong>
</p><p><strong>You are no one.</strong>"</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"And yes, I'd say it depends on the situation." It was getting too complex. My head had already started fuzzing, my fingers kept grasping the blade too tightly, cutting sharp lines into my palm and wrist.</p><p>I lent back, resting my head near Andrew's shoulder and let out a sigh, "It's everyone. All at once."</p><p>His hand came up to rest on my neck again and I pressed back on it gratefully. The warmth of it grounding me.</p><p>(Natalie) "How do you choose- "</p><p>I wasn't even aware of myself doing it. And at that moment I couldn't bring myself to care. Junior then. Had moved away from the comfort of Andrew's hand, from Kevin still trembling in the corner, towards Natalie.</p><p>Blade in hand- what was I doing!?</p><p>Why was I trying to hurt Reneé?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <strong>You weren't. You were going to kill Natalie, not her, so it wouldn't have mattered even if she'd died.</strong>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>I don't want- I threw the blade to the ground, darting away from her, heading to the door.</p><p>But I didn't get far.</p><p>Andrew's strong arms pinned me against the wall. But I didn't try to break free, I didn't want to. Fuck knows what I might try and do next.</p><p> </p><p>(Andrew) "Abram."</p><p>It felt wrong. I didn't deserve his kindness. The gentle edge to his voice.</p><p>I shook my head and shut my eyes.</p><p>(Andrew) "Abram, look at me."</p><p>But I couldn't. If I opened them, I feared I would cry.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"<strong>Only whores cry Nathaniel, are you a whore?</strong>"<br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>I shook my head again. I wasn't- I wasn't!</p><p> </p><p>(Andrew) "Look at me, dammit."</p><p>His hand on my chest made me shiver in disgust.</p><p>(Andrew) "Abram! You need to breathe!"</p><p> </p><p>Breathe?</p><p>My eyes snapped open.</p><p>I was, wasn't I?</p><p>I looked down at my unmoving chest, not believing him.</p><p> </p><p>(Natalie) "Neil!"</p><p>I met her worried gaze.</p><p>(Natalie) "You can't keep doing this. You're going to pass out."</p><p>I looked at them both. I knew what they wanted me to do, but I didn't get how?</p><p> </p><p>My gaze was becoming warped and I was slowly losing the feeling in my legs. Losing my balance I swayed forwards and tucked my head into his neck.</p><p>(Andrew) "Your back, I'm going to touch your back!"</p><p>I wasn't given a chance to respond before a sudden slap to my shoulder-blades had me wheezing. Coughing violently, his arms wrapped securely around my waist, holding me to him. "I- I'm fine- "</p><p>(Andrew) "Shut up."</p><p>(Natalie) "Less talking and more breathing."</p><p>Inhaling the scent of his shampoo, I nuzzled closer to his natural warmth, breathing his homely comfort in.</p><p>(Reneé) "Feeling okay now?"</p><p>All of my weight was pressing against him now, but he didn't complain. He knew how badly I needed his unyielding support, both physically and mentally. "Yeah, for now I guess."</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>"<strong>You are not 'okay'.</strong>"</p><p>
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</p><p>I could see her smiling over Andrew's shoulder. A crack in her facade showing through. But when I started speaking again, that 'crack' had disappeared.</p><p>"And, to answer your question. No. I don't choose. And no, it isn't just me."</p><p>She frowned, not understanding. But I didn't blame her, I barely understood it myself.</p><p>"It's everyone- all of them. All at once. Talking- " The shapeless patterns Andrew had been drawing on my back stopped, "Even now I can hear them having their own versions of this conversation." Another stuttered breath caught between my teeth, and as always, Andrew was there to flatten the wrinkle out. Soothing me, tracing foreign letters and unknown objects over my scarred skin.</p><p>I arched my neck to sit closer into the crook of his own neck, and so I could see Natalie better, "Abram's fingers are twitching for a cigarette. Junior still wants to rip the shit out of Day's neck. Dog, wants to go back home."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <strong>The Raven's Kennel.</strong>
</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>"Nathaniel- " I paused, the familiarity of wanting to go. Flee. Hide  and run. To never see these people again... A delicate stroke down my spine jolted me. The cold sharpness of the rooftop memory reminded me of why I stayed. Why I didn't, just, go. Why I didn't, run. "Nathaniel wants to leave. And Neil- "</p><p>(Andrew) "You. What do you want?"</p><p>"I want- "</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>"<strong>You don't get to make choices Nathaniel. I tell you what to do, and you do it.</strong>"</p><p>"<strong>Don't ever question my authority, or your place in this family.</strong>"</p><p>"<strong>And don't ever think you have any decision in how your life will play out.</strong>"</p><p>"<strong>The Moriyama's own you.</strong>"</p><p>"<strong>And I will make you just like me.</strong>"</p><p>"<strong>You <em>will</em> be the lord's next Dog.</strong>"</p><p>
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</p><p>Pushing him away from me I took several steps away, snapping at him. "I don't get to make decisions. I don't have the right to. Never have. Never will." And it was at that moment, I remembered why, "You made sure of that Day."</p><p>I bent down to pick up the blade I'd dropped oh so carelessly.</p><p>(Andrew) "Abr- "</p><p>"Loyal dogs don't break away from their leashes." My fingers ran down the length of my burnt and scarred forearms, my eyes following the movement curiously, "Much less bite the hand that brought and fed them."</p><p>(Andrew) "You are not owned."</p><p>His unusually stern voice caused my eyes to widen incredulously, "No?"</p><p>(Andrew) "You are not a thing. You cannot be brought."</p><p>I watched him for a moment. The look in his eyes. The complete certainty of his words. And the unwavering pillar that he supported for Neil and Abram.</p><p>No wonder they relied so heavily on him, never faulting, never backing down. Unbreakable.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn't fair.</p><p> </p><p>I didn't deserve this man.</p><p> </p><p>"No not just with money, I wasn't. But blood ties and expectations were enough merit." A whine from Kevin once again caught my attention, and I again warred with myself on why I hadn't killed him yet. Christ knows I wanted to- still, want to.</p><p>"Look Andrew, Day knows. Why don't you ask him? He's obviously been busy prying into things of no concern to him. Why- he's probably the reason my brother died, drowning in his own blood."</p><p>(Kevin) "Your brother?"</p><p>"Джошуа Кие Wesninski. Hmm, maybe you don't recognise his full name? Does Josh ring any bells? He'd have been about six when you first met him."</p><p>Realisation dawned on him then. (Kevin) "Josh? From the Raven bleacher benches?"</p><p>"Ah, so you do remember... "</p><p>(Kevin) "But he looked nothing like you?"</p><p>I laughed at that, "That's unnaturally observant of you Day, considering it took you seven months to figure out who I really was."</p><p>(Kevin) "He had green ey- "</p><p>"Talking Day? Out of turn? Such poor manors, I really should do something about that."</p><p>Going to flick another blade, this time aimed at his sternum. My actions were cut short when Andrew suddenly moved in front of me.</p><p>(Andrew) "How old was he?"</p><p>I almost let go of the blade then, the closeness of his death still lingering on my fingertips.</p><p>"His birthday is in two months' time- he would've- " A shudder racked through my body, forcing me off balance, only to stumble near Andrew who had already moved to support me. "He was fifteen."</p><p>Letting out a pitiful whine, I saw him take another step closer.</p><p>(Andrew) "Yes or no?"</p><p>"Ye- I can't, I'm not- " I never got the chance to reply clearly, Junior's voice came screaming up my throat. "I WANT NOTHING!"</p><p> </p><p>My eyes stung and I could feel hot unbidden wet tears rolling down my cheeks.</p><p>Betraying my control.</p><p>Betraying myself.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>I am four years old, wailing from deep cuts to my abdomen. I wasn't allowed to play with toys.</p><p>I am seven years old, screaming as my shoulder is burnt with an iron. Apparently I wasn't still enough.</p><p>I am ten years old, watching my father cutting that man into pieces. </p><p>I am twelve years old, leaving that boy behind in tears as I ran.</p><p>I am thirteen years old, watching my mother's skin peel and curl as it burns black on that beach.</p><p>I am fourteen years old, my fifteenth birthday is two weeks away. On that day, my father has decided I will join the Ravens.</p><p>I am no longer me, my weekly lessons with my father, Lola, and her brother Romeo have sort to that.</p><p>I am sixteen years old, and I have been told I will be the Moriyama's next Dog.</p><p>I am seventeen years old, I have joined the Palmetto State Foxes. I am here to return Kevin to his true home.</p><p>I am eighteen years old, I have stayed longer than I should. A boy here kept me from leaving, and so I convinced the lord that Kevin still has worth, even here.</p><p>I am nineteen years old, blood paints the mirrors in the changing room. They now know I am a lie.</p><p>I am almost twenty years old, I never thought I'd live this long. But that boy's voice echoes in my head, telling me to "Stay."</p><p>I have just turned twenty, I had managed to hide from my father here. But I knew it wouldn't last.</p><p>It is 3:18 in the morning, I am leaning back over my seat watching him. I ask him to break his promise. And, for the rest of the journey, I stare into the boy's honey coloured eyes.</p><p>It is 1:62 in the afternoon, Lola catches me on my way to the changing room. She gives me five minutes to say goodbye. I tell the boy, "Thank you, you were amazing."</p><p>At 1:67 in the afternoon, I leave with Lola and Romeo. I know I will never see him again.</p><p>I am almost twenty-three, I now have more scars than skin. My hair is again a bloody red and my eyes a pale blue. They barely recognise me.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/><br/>They want me to stay. He, asks me to stay. But I don't make decisions. My life is not my own. And I am, owned. Now, in the most terrible way.</p><p>
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</p><p>"<strong>You will never leave.</strong>"</p><p>
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</p><p>My heart aches.</p><p>My lungs burn.</p><p>My skin bleeds.</p><p> </p><p>And my mind, breaks.</p><p> </p><p>So this is what helplessness and horror feels like?</p><p>I am once again a child. Lost and scared. Trembling from the loneliness.</p><p> </p><p>I have been abandoned, again.</p><p>My blurred vision meets with his hollowed eyes, "Why did you leave me there?"</p><p> </p><p>The docile tone to my voice has me retching at the emptiness in my stomach. Vile bile works it's way up from the bottom of my body; from my acidic stomach, to my heaving chest, up my gagging throat and into my convulsing mouth.</p><p>Nothing was coming up, but that didn't stop my body from continually choking on the emptiness of it all.</p><p>Air was getting stuck in my lungs, fingers scraping at my throat and in my mouth came back raw and bloodstained. The coppery taste of it making me feel faint and lightheaded.</p><p> </p><p>Pressure around my wrists slowed my personally inflicted attack. The level deep voice I could hear gradually eased the tension that fought against me, raging and begging me to get away, keep going, cut and scrap harder- </p><p>(Andrew) "Abram."</p><p>The pressure around my wrists tightened. (Andrew) "Abram stop."</p><p>
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</p><p>"<strong>You listen to no one, but me.</strong>"</p><p>
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</p><p>My skull burned. Sharp nails digging into my scalp. Wet redness running down my neck- "I'm not- " I couldn't explain. And they wouldn't understand.</p><p>How could I be more than one thing at once?</p><p>I was everyone. And no one.</p><p> </p><p>(Natalie) "Any of you then. You have to stop! This is killing him!"</p><p>A mewled cry was the only response I could manage. And it only added to my growing fright. "Hurts- it hurts! I don't- My head, it burns!"</p><p>Warmth under my palms caught my focus and my line of sight. Both were resting on Andrew's chest as he breathed heavily in and out. Again, his bodily warmth grounded me. Keeping me there, in the moment, keeping me still, keeping me from running.</p><p>(Andrew) "Copy me. That's it! Just like that."</p><p>And I did, but I couldn't really understand how. My lungs were no longer screaming at me, but my head still throbbed. The burning I felt before, now reduced to a dull ache. I could only hope it would stay that way a little while longer.</p><p> </p><p>And, as my eyes blurred and vision dimmed, I heard my own delicate childlike voice again. "I guess I make it one more now... I hope you were keeping count."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Nathaniel Abram Wesninski</strong>
</p><p>
  <strike> <strong>Nat</strong> </strike>
</p><p>
  <strike>
    <strong>Abram</strong>
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  <strong>Junior</strong>
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  <strike>
    <strong>Neil Josten</strong>
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  <strong>Dog</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I knew what the boy was. And the label I'd allowed myself to associate him with, felt like ice between my teeth. Family. This boy- these people were family.</p><p>It was strange to think how I'd ended up picking those I was forced to know, to sneak Kevin past their watchful gaze. Instead, I had become ensnared. I was one of them now. Not a child, a weapon, a rabbit, a Raven, a or Dog.</p><p><em>But a Fox</em>.</p>
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